According to 2023 census estimates, about 14.5 percent of U.S. households with minor children are led by single parents. Roughly 25.1 percent of U.S. children under 18 live with only their mother or their father. A significant number of our neighbors, coworkers, and church members are, for various reasons, navigating life’s challenges without two parents to share the load.
In our warranted efforts to strengthen marriages and support two-parent families, we may not always effectively serve single-parent families.
There are many reasons why such pastoral needs within the church go unmet. Our busy schedules, our sinful hearts, and our lack of knowledge can all prevent Christians from helping those we’re called to serve. We need God’s grace and wisdom to overcome these obstacles to effective ministry.
In God’s Grace for Every Family: Biblical Encouragement for Single-Parent Families and the Churches That Seek to Love Them Well, Anna Meade Harris tackles the obstacles churches and single-parent families face as they pursue holiness together. Most of us will never experience single parenting, but Harris offers “practical wisdom to guide [the church] in loving single parents and their children well, for the glory of God and the joy of his church” (14). Meanwhile, she offers encouragement to struggling single parents.
Understand the Challenge
I’ve been blind to the number of single-parent families in our society and the difficulties these parents and children experience even in the church. Harris, senior director of content at Rooted Ministry, recounts her church experience after the loss of her husband that left her the single mother of three children: “Sunday mornings were some of the hardest of the week. Church no longer felt like a refuge. . . . Everyone was warm and kind, but in the one place we most needed to belong, we no longer fit in” (8).
Our busy schedules, our sinful hearts, and our lack of knowledge can all prevent Christians from helping those we’re called to serve.
Her experience helps explain why many churches don’t seem to have a representative number of single-parent families when compared with the culture at large. As churches, we need to ask why our programming, our preaching, or our people have kept single parents and their children from feeling like they fit in.
After reading this book, I had to ask myself how I was serving the single parents in my life. I realized I had several friends, some of whom I’ve known for decades, who had become single parents. Yet I’ve never fully considered their unique needs and how I might meet them. To this end, Harris provides numerous stories of the challenges single parents face.
Harris also speaks to single parents directly, encouraging them to persevere despite these challenges. She points fearful parents to God’s unchanging grace and steadfast presence, just as Joshua did for the family of Israel (Josh. 1:9). She directs exhausted single parents to our Lord’s invitation to take up his yoke (Matt. 11:28–30) and to remember that “children are not burdens, they are gifts and blessings” (90). And she reminds lonely single parents to press into the promise of God’s presence in Hebrews 13:5. Harris balances biblical exhortation and encouragement well, calling readers to be faithful to the Lord in the circumstances he has given them.
Provide Practical Help
Harris gives specific guidance on how churches can support single parents. For example, she warns against general offers of help, which put pressure and weight on the parent to figure out how. She writes, “Ask what that parent’s biggest challenges are, listen for the practical support they need, and then (prayerfully) offer specific help” (93).
Additionally, though many single parents are discouraged and tired, don’t offer a pep talk. Instead, listen well and speak gospel truth to them. Ultimately, we must remember that single-parent families aren’t merely ministry opportunities. They have something to offer the church too.
Single-parent families aren’t merely ministry opportunities. They have something to offer the church too.
Her guidance isn’t groundbreaking. But hearing the advice from Harris, a single parent who interviewed other single parents for this book, supports the value of her suggestions for one-on-one interactions. However, that strength highlights the one aspect of the book I felt was missing. As a church leader, I wanted more suggestions for systemic ways to simultaneously serve both single-parent and two-parent families well in the design of church programs. Yet striking that balance may be too dependent on the demographics of a given congregation. Harris may have been right to focus on more personalized suggestions.
Abundant Grace
In addition to her experience, Harris provides a robust theological basis for serving single parents well. Church members and the parents themselves need abundant grace. God’s grace is apparent even in the difficulties of being a single parent. As Harris writes, “Every parent has to ‘go through it,’ but the single parent goes through it alone, knowing their family won’t make it without help.” And that knowledge is a gracious gift, as “God invites us to embrace our weakness, for in it, we find that he is more than enough” (172).
In the end, Harris achieves her goals. She points all her readers to God’s grace. This book is an encouragement for single parents, whether they became so through the death of a spouse, divorce, or adopting a child alone. She offers comfort and an exhortation to resist using their circumstances as an excuse for disengaging from the church. She also helps others within the church care well for single-parent families by avoiding mistakes or saying unhelpful things.
Most importantly, she reminds those caring for single parents that grace is never a one-way street. God will use single-parent families to bless and serve us as well. She writes, “Come close enough to know us, brothers and sisters, and what you see God doing in our families will astound you. He has given us a testimony of his strength in our weakness, and he will give you one in yours” (176).
This book is a gift to the family of God that can inform church leaders and shape their interactions with single parents in their ministries for years to come.