Most cultures worldwide, anthropologist David Gilmore wrote in Manhood in the Making, have generally defined manhood around three capacities: the abilities to provide, protect, and procreate. For generations, the United States was no exception. Becoming a husband and father, along with serving as the primary breadwinner, has traditionally been the path prescribed to American men for achieving this sense of manhood.
However, economic and social shifts over the past 50 years have led many to question this traditional view, especially the capacity to provide. The transition to a high-skill, service-oriented economy requiring greater training and education has particularly disadvantaged men—especially those who, in another time, would’ve earned a living through manual labor. The proportion of men dropping out of the labor force continues to rise, and many of those with jobs suffer stagnant wages. Meanwhile, the education gap between the sexes has widened, with women now earning the majority of college degrees each year.
Sometimes when this issue is raised, there is an impulse to dismiss it: Why don’t men try harder? Or why don’t they simply get rid of their outdated view of manhood? That attitude is a mistake. The male instinct to provide is not just a social construct; it is fundamentally rooted in how males are wired.
As Brookings Institution scholar Richard Reeves argued in Of Boys and Men, the erosion of the provider role has profoundly impacted men’s perception of their value and place in society. Men who do not see themselves as providers, especially financially, are more likely to detach not only from the labor force but also from society as a whole. Why? Because men who feel they don’t measure up as financial providers often view themselves as inadequate or may be seen by others as societal liabilities.
Even men who do provide financially may still feel inadequate, though, if they are unprepared to meet new social expectations. Either way, too many men are left feeling worthless, aimless, disillusioned, and disenfranchised—an issue we cannot overlook.
The church can’t overhaul the whole economy or make it easier to measure up to the wider society’s expectations. But we can offer a vision of manhood sufficient for navigating the changes and complexities of our era. As Christians, we are blessed that God provides us with a clear vision of manhood, one that transcends different times and cultures and is far beyond anything we could invent to meet this moment.
This vision is not dependent on changing economic, social, or cultural realities. Nor is it solely linked to the roles of husband, father, and financial provider. Though these are all good things, as Tim Keller explains in his book Every Good Endeavor, they cannot be ultimate things. Our identity as men can’t be solely and ultimately anchored in our capacity to perform or achieve in these areas. That will lead to a fragile self-worth that falls apart when we encounter changes and challenges.
This vision is also not a call to deconstruct manhood altogether or a call for each man to invent his own definition. As Gilmore explains, manhood needs to be taught. Without guidance, men may feel lost or, worse, develop dysfunctional models of manhood that are harmful to society.
The central image of God’s vision of manhood is the Cross. At the Cross, Christ provides men with a clear, unambiguous, and enduring vision of being a man—one that remains relevant despite the societal changes around us. Paul makes this clear in Ephesians 5:25–33, where he discusses the relationship between husbands and wives, admonishing Christian men in Ephesus to love their wives the way “Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” In other words, Paul suggests that if you want to know what a real man looks like, look to the Cross, where Christ laid down his life for humanity.
This is a challenging call to selflessness, to following Jesus by willingly laying down our lives for those we love. Here, Paul calls husbands to prioritize their wives’ interests above their own, and in Philippians 2:3–4, he broadens that to all relationships: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Selflessness does not equate to weakness or timidity. On the contrary, Ephesians 5 calls for men to demonstrate strength and leadership in their marriages. However, being the “head” in marriage (v. 23) is not just any kind of leadership. Instead, God’s vision of manhood emphasizes gaining influence through self-sacrifice and using our strength to care for those we love, just as we would care for ourselves.
Whether married or not, men are made for selfless leadership. It gives meaning and purpose to our masculinity. Instead of reducing manhood to economic utility and financial provision, selfless leadership calls us to provide our whole selves—mind, soul, and body—for those we love, just as Christ did. I believe this call has the power, with God’s help, to awaken the hearts of disillusioned men by giving them a motivation and purpose worth living and dying for: the welfare of those entrusted to their care.
Of course, no man can fully live up to the vision of selfless leadership exemplified in Christ at the Cross. This is true no matter how hard we try. Furthermore, simply understanding this biblical vision of manhood is not enough to address our culture’s male malaise. As the church, we must go a step further.
The Cross is not just where we find God’s vision for manhood. It is also where God shapes us into the men we are called to be. At the Cross, we confront the sobering duality of our humanity. On the one hand, we are confronted with a clear view of our depravity, weakness, and inadequacy as men. We are so flawed that we cannot save ourselves. We cannot provide for our own souls, let alone those of others. We are completely dependent on God to send his Son to accomplish what we cannot.
On the other hand, the Cross reveals how unconditionally loved and valuable we are to God. Our weakness does not diminish his love. Despite our inadequacy, we are so valuable to him that Jesus willingly suffered the consequences we deserved, allowing us to gain the hope of “being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit” (2 Cor. 3:18).
The Cross is the only place where a man can be inadequate and valuable at the same time. Only here can he encounter the power of God’s redeeming grace, a power that enables him to see his true worth and identity and transforms him into the man God calls him to be.
In that sense, the ultimate solution to the male malaise is the same as it has always been: We must preach the gospel to our men. The gospel must be more than a message we recite; it must be where we anchor our very identity and value as men. The Bible must be more than a book we read to find a moral code; it must be where we go to encounter God’s grace until it transforms us into selfless leaders. And most importantly, Christ must not merely be our example in manhood. He must be our Savior.
Domonic D. Purviance is a writer, men’s ministry leader, and finance and economics expert. He cofounded King Culture, a nonprofit organization that equips men to reflect the selfless leadership of Christ.
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