The percentage of married adults in America has steadily fallen since 1900, and now, approximately 40 percent of adults in the United States are single. In a culture where freedom, independence, and achievement are praised, singleness can be viewed as a desirable quality. Spontaneity, financial freedom, and “untetheredness” seem to many like living the dream.
But in the church, singleness often doesn’t enjoy such a positive reputation. Many single people feel unseen or unwelcome in the church, defined by what they lack rather than by who they are. Our country’s dramatic demographic shift makes including and valuing single people in our churches more timely and crucial than ever. But valuing singleness need not (and should not) come at the expense of valuing and promoting marriage.
Singleness and marriage present theological truths that together give a fuller, more beautiful picture of the gospel. By considering and communicating ways that single believers and married believers can help one another better grasp the gospel, we highlight the value of both states.
Marriage and the Gospel
Consider a few ways marriage uniquely displays the gospel.
1. Marriage displays God’s covenant love in the gospel.
As a single person, I need married believers to show me the beauty of the covenant and of Christ’s marriage with his Bride, the church. I need them to remind me of the permanence, longevity, and fierceness of covenant love. I need to see that marriage involves never-ending relational pursuit, frequent forgiveness, and generous effort. Some marriages even display one-sided faithfulness, teaching us that God is faithful to his betrothed even when we’re faithless (Ezek. 16).
Valuing singleness need not (and should not) come at the expense of valuing and promoting marriage.
2. Earthly marriages are analogies of the marriage between Christ and the church.
I need my married friends to be windows into the relationship the church has with her Bridegroom. I need to see godly husbands care for and love their wives as Christ loves the church. I need to see wives submit to their husbands as the church is to submit to Christ. Human marriage is an analogy that helps us understand how Christ relates to the church and how the church is meant to relate to Christ (Eph. 5:32).
3. Marriage reminds us that ultimate relational fulfillment is yet to come.
Earthly marriages, even when lifelong, committed, loving, and successful, are brief and temporary in light of eternity. In eternity, there will be no human marriage as we know it today (Matt. 22:30). Instead, we all, married and single, await the marriage feast of the Lamb with eager anticipation. Earthly marriages aren’t the end goal. They represent something far greater—the marriage of Christ and his church.
Singleness and the Gospel
Singleness, too, offers unique reflections of the gospel.
1. Singleness displays the gospel’s sufficiency.
While Christian marriage is a picture of the union between Christ and the church, Christian singleness is a picture of the sufficiency of Christ’s work and our future hope. My married friends need me to remind them of the gospel’s sufficiency—because I have no earthly partner to rely on, I run to Jesus all the more readily. His salvific work is finished; we need nothing and no one beyond Jesus for salvation. Our meaning and purpose are ultimately found in living for him, not for another person or relationship.
2. Singleness allows for uniquely focused devotion.
Practically speaking, single Christians throughout church history have demonstrated focus and risk for the sake of the gospel as they give undivided attention to the things of the Lord (1 Cor. 7:32–34). Untethered from family obligations, single Christians can demonstrate a single-mindedness for the kingdom that’s unique, attractive, and often effective.
3. Singleness points to the joy of heaven.
Single Christians remind the church of the importance of practicing defiant joy in today’s circumstances because we value a greater hope in eternity (2 Cor. 4:17–18). In a world obsessed with sexual expression, sanctified singleness places the spotlight on something even better. As Christina Hitchcock puts it, “Celibacy is eschatological. It prioritizes the future over the present.” Sanctified singleness lives in the liminal space between the now and the not yet and encourages us all to look forward to eternity as we practice self-sacrifice to remind us a greater joy awaits.
United in the Gospel
God is bigger than our marital status. He sanctifies some through marriage and others without a spouse. In the body of Christ, singleness and marriage have more in common than we often give them credit for. One state isn’t inherently holier than the other.
You can be selfish both in singleness and in marriage. You can use your time, talents, and treasures for yourself or for others both in singleness and in marriage. You can be an influential disciple-maker both in singleness and in marriage. You can live for the future kingdom both in singleness and in marriage.
In the body of Christ, singleness and marriage have more in common than we often give them credit for.
But singleness and marriage highlight different aspects of the gospel, so we need each other to see a fuller picture. If you tend to only spend time with people who share your relationship status, you have the opportunity to expand your view of God’s faithfulness by purposefully seeking out others in your church with a different status.
The body of Christ’s beautiful unity in diversity should make us stronger, not divided. There are many parts but one body (1 Cor. 12:20). The church needs mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, husbands, wives, and even honorary aunties like me all sharing their lives and working together as one body for God’s glory.